Overcoming a problem

It was the best and worst feeling at the same time. It gave me complete peace and yet I felt at war. It gave me the feeling that everything was okay. But it wasn't. I knew that for three years.It wasn't me. I needed to find me again. I was lost in my own life. Uncertain of where I was going. Then one day, I just didn't. I just stopped. I didn't feel the need, or the want. I felt control. i felt grounded. I knew who I was. I looked at myself and felt proud. Yes, there are things I could still improve about me. But I am never going to get perfection nor do I expect it. Nor do I want it. All I need is me. I am happy where I am. I am happy with where I am going. I am happy.

Parents

I've asked them to stop.
They have told me
time and time again they would
because they loved me.
They loved me enough
for a day, maybe a week
But love was easier to smoke.
Showing their love, in their mind,
is filling our house
with smoke until our clothes smell.
Do they think I don't notice?
Do they think I don't see when they try and hide?
My life is filled in a smoky haze.
My parents lives, shortened with each inhale
They could stop at any moment.
But oh wait, its too hard they say.
Is that how they want ME to go through life.
Oh, I can't do that mom and dad, its too hard.
Oh mom and dad, even though this might hurt me, I am going to do it anyways
because its easy.
Yes, I guess that's it.
I love them.
They love me.
But for them, love is easier to smoke.

You Are My Mystery

You are my mystery,
The enigma to my everyday life.
I will never understand you
I will never understand myself.
I will never understand us.
How you’re incandescent smile is the paramount part of my day.
How your touch makes my mind vacant.
How the thought of you is the essence of my life.
How, with every step I take, I hope to become closer to you.
How I can’t do a simple task during the day without it reminding me of you.
How, with every beat, my heart yearns to become more in sync with yours.
How I can’t picture myself without my hand in yours.
How you can love someone as ordinary as me.
How you don’t see that you are the best creature to walk this earth.
How a glance from your whispering eyes makes me weak.
How your presence sends me on a high to the world of adolescent love.
How your scent that lingers on my clothing makes me crave you more.
How I can’t recall any anguish from my past,
Because I am besieged by you in the present.
You are the mystery
My mystery That I desire to never solve.

What A Character.

He is the strongest person I know. He has defeated the greatest enemy in his life; himself. He battled and was tortured by his addiction, depression, and loneliness for years and no one saw it; not even me. He was always there and yet he was never here. His body was in place, but his mind, soul, direction, thoughts focus, and purpose in life was lost. But he did the best thing that could have ever happened. He stopped, looked in the mirror, and not only did he not know the man in the reflection, but didn’t want to. He is making all of us, including him, believe and realize that he is still alive. That he is still the young man with a purpose, a dream, and the confidence to make the best out of the rest of his life. He is a major part of who I am today. He is my role model, my idol, my hero. I hope I can grow to have the same determination of being a loving and compassionate person just as he has done.

Henry

The story of how Henry and I came together my mom tells often. When I was between one or two my mother went shopping and of course brought me along. While she was shopping there was a sale rack that, of course being my mother, she had to stop and look at. The first item that caught her attention was a ratty old teddy bear. He was missing an eye and the stuffing that should be in his belly was nonexistent. She carried it up to the counter with the intent of buying it. When she asked how much the bear was, the cashier looked at my mother with confusion. "You think you have to pay for that?". Without another word my mother took it with us. She brought it home, mended its problems, and Henry has been in my arms ever since. I have not gone a single night without him. He has seen my tears, my cuddles, my laughter, my nights I never wanted to end, and my lonely nights. Henry has been with me since I was two and I could never replace him. Just Henry and me; thats all I will ever need.

Boundaries

Going from Saint Francis to the Public Highschool was like bing a new animal in a zoo. You are in a new environment and have new animals around you that you have to adapt to. All of the animals are curious about you and want to know where your from. But eventually your just another animal in the zoo. But unlike a new animal who would be scared. I was fearless. I was ready for a change. I was ready for a new environment, new people, a new start. Even though there are many differences between the two schools and people that I had to adjust to, I was ready. I was ready then, and I am ready again. I am ready again to step into a new zoo. I am ready to be let out of my cage.

Say cheese

Christmas. The time of happiness, giving back, and most important; family. Christmas is when my whole family is together. My two brothers come home and all the Jancoseks, my mothers family, celebrate Christmas Eve. Every year on this night we take the only family photo of the year. Every year my brothers and I want to get the picture taking portion of our night over with as fast as possible. We smile, get two pictures taken if your lucky, and thats it. Thats our family moment for the year. The 30 seconds it takes shows how we have changed in one year. This particulier picture is from last year. My two brothers Andrew and Alex fill in the spaces behind my dad, me, and my mom. Everyone who sees it says our resemblence is so noticable. My brother Alex is my father; skinny face, narrow nose, fat bottom lip, and fair skin. I am my mother; chubby cheeks, small eyes, barely an upper lip, and petite pointy nose. My brother Andrew, the middle child, is a mixture of both my mother and father. A perfect mix my parents like to jokingly say. The loving picture shows us Meiers at our best. The picture shows that even though its only once a year, our love is shown instantly in a snap shot.