Daddy

Daddy I’m coming in. I heard you calling Andrews name but you know he is sleeping. But I’m here now what did you want? Daddy why are you lying on the bathroom floor? Why daddy? Daddy can you hear me? Daddy, Daddy get up. Daddy please get up. I don’t understand, please daddy get up! Oh no. You can’t get up daddy can you? You can’t feel your legs can you daddy? Or your arms or your face. You are helpless daddy aren’t you? You are getting worse and worse. I can see it in your face daddy. Now you’re making strange noises. You are not saying words, just noises. Daddy, you’re scaring me. I’m only 12 daddy I don’t know what to do. Mommy never told me what to do when this happens. Do I just stand here and watch you die daddy? No no, I can’t do that. I am going to save you daddy. Drink this daddy; you need to get this in you. Oh daddy don’t push me away. Please don’t’ push me away. Andrew Alex! Andrew Alex! Oh please daddy drink this. I know you don’t understand but please drink this. Please just let me help you. That’s good daddy. Drink more daddy more. Andrew Alex! No daddy don’t close your eyes, you have to stay awake. Stay awake for me daddy. I am not going to let you leave me daddy. You’re not leaving me. Please keep drinking daddy keep drinking. That’s good. You have almost drank all of it. No daddy don’t try and move just yet. I want you to get better. I should ask your questions shouldn’t I daddy? Who am I daddy? Who am I? That’s right. I’m Annie. That’s right. Oh daddy you can sit up now. Yes daddy that’s good. You can talk now daddy. Oh daddy you can move your arms, your legs, your face. Oh I feel so much better now daddy. I am going to go get Andrew and Alex daddy. I am going to tell them everything that just happened but that everything is okay now. Here they come daddy. What daddy? Oh, well yes daddy. I did save you. I saved your life daddy.

I love you daddy.

Overcoming a problem

It was the best and worst feeling at the same time. It gave me complete peace and yet I felt at war. It gave me the feeling that everything was okay. But it wasn't. I knew that for three years.It wasn't me. I needed to find me again. I was lost in my own life. Uncertain of where I was going. Then one day, I just didn't. I just stopped. I didn't feel the need, or the want. I felt control. i felt grounded. I knew who I was. I looked at myself and felt proud. Yes, there are things I could still improve about me. But I am never going to get perfection nor do I expect it. Nor do I want it. All I need is me. I am happy where I am. I am happy with where I am going. I am happy.

Parents

I've asked them to stop.
They have told me
time and time again they would
because they loved me.
They loved me enough
for a day, maybe a week
But love was easier to smoke.
Showing their love, in their mind,
is filling our house
with smoke until our clothes smell.
Do they think I don't notice?
Do they think I don't see when they try and hide?
My life is filled in a smoky haze.
My parents lives, shortened with each inhale
They could stop at any moment.
But oh wait, its too hard they say.
Is that how they want ME to go through life.
Oh, I can't do that mom and dad, its too hard.
Oh mom and dad, even though this might hurt me, I am going to do it anyways
because its easy.
Yes, I guess that's it.
I love them.
They love me.
But for them, love is easier to smoke.

You Are My Mystery

You are my mystery,
The enigma to my everyday life.
I will never understand you
I will never understand myself.
I will never understand us.
How you’re incandescent smile is the paramount part of my day.
How your touch makes my mind vacant.
How the thought of you is the essence of my life.
How, with every step I take, I hope to become closer to you.
How I can’t do a simple task during the day without it reminding me of you.
How, with every beat, my heart yearns to become more in sync with yours.
How I can’t picture myself without my hand in yours.
How you can love someone as ordinary as me.
How you don’t see that you are the best creature to walk this earth.
How a glance from your whispering eyes makes me weak.
How your presence sends me on a high to the world of adolescent love.
How your scent that lingers on my clothing makes me crave you more.
How I can’t recall any anguish from my past,
Because I am besieged by you in the present.
You are the mystery
My mystery That I desire to never solve.

What A Character.

He is the strongest person I know. He has defeated the greatest enemy in his life; himself. He battled and was tortured by his addiction, depression, and loneliness for years and no one saw it; not even me. He was always there and yet he was never here. His body was in place, but his mind, soul, direction, thoughts focus, and purpose in life was lost. But he did the best thing that could have ever happened. He stopped, looked in the mirror, and not only did he not know the man in the reflection, but didn’t want to. He is making all of us, including him, believe and realize that he is still alive. That he is still the young man with a purpose, a dream, and the confidence to make the best out of the rest of his life. He is a major part of who I am today. He is my role model, my idol, my hero. I hope I can grow to have the same determination of being a loving and compassionate person just as he has done.

Henry

The story of how Henry and I came together my mom tells often. When I was between one or two my mother went shopping and of course brought me along. While she was shopping there was a sale rack that, of course being my mother, she had to stop and look at. The first item that caught her attention was a ratty old teddy bear. He was missing an eye and the stuffing that should be in his belly was nonexistent. She carried it up to the counter with the intent of buying it. When she asked how much the bear was, the cashier looked at my mother with confusion. "You think you have to pay for that?". Without another word my mother took it with us. She brought it home, mended its problems, and Henry has been in my arms ever since. I have not gone a single night without him. He has seen my tears, my cuddles, my laughter, my nights I never wanted to end, and my lonely nights. Henry has been with me since I was two and I could never replace him. Just Henry and me; thats all I will ever need.

Boundaries

Going from Saint Francis to the Public Highschool was like bing a new animal in a zoo. You are in a new environment and have new animals around you that you have to adapt to. All of the animals are curious about you and want to know where your from. But eventually your just another animal in the zoo. But unlike a new animal who would be scared. I was fearless. I was ready for a change. I was ready for a new environment, new people, a new start. Even though there are many differences between the two schools and people that I had to adjust to, I was ready. I was ready then, and I am ready again. I am ready again to step into a new zoo. I am ready to be let out of my cage.